Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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