After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
