Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
