I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
