HIV tests are more positive than that guy
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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