i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
