I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
