I just saw a hot homeless man
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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