The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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