I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
