She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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