Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
