Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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