I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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