My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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