In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
