i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
