I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
