How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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