I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
