I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
