After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
