have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
