he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
