Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
