I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize