My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
