he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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