This dress was meant to end up on your floor
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
