The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
