He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
