Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
