Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
