Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
