Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
