That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
