I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
