why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
bring money and cleavage
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
