So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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