At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
