Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize