I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
