I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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