I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
