Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Can I color on your dick again?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
