Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize