She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
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