my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
