The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Randomize
