a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
