Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Be still, my beating vagina.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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