That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize