I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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