Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
