My room smells like vodka and shame
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Randomize
