So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
is that a dick in a sweater?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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