I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize