There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
