You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
