I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
