I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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