just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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