what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
