so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
