we have pet lesbian snakes
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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