You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
